Thesis 3: The Bible Ain't a Science Book

The Bible Ain't a Science Book

So, as it turns out, that Twitter/X image attributed to a certain psychotic republican with the initials MTG, is fake. A few weeks ago, the following splashed across our social feeds:

Christians Against Satellites

The negative impact of artificial satellites and space debris orbiting the Earth:

• Satellites interfere with our ability to effectively communicate with God. Prayers often collide with satellites and are deflected or destroyed upon impact.

• Satan uses satellites to intercept and alter prayers before they reach God, resulting in disastrous consequences.

• Satellites block God's ability to watch us.

• Satellites interfere with the flight paths of angels.

• Continued proliferation of satellites causes navigational issues for Jesus and further delays his return to Earth.

Whatshername didn’t post the image — it was fact-checked and confirmed to be satire likely posted by Pastor Alex, a very tongue-in-cheek social media pastor.

(Heads up: I’m going to use the word crazy here, but in a very intentional way. We’ve rightly banished the word when talking about mental health, but when we use it to express mass hysteria beyond reason or mental health concerns, it can still apply.)

Fake news happens all the time these days, so perhaps it was easy for many of you to dismiss it. I confess that my initial reaction was to assume it was real — incredibly, it isn’t the craziest thing Christians have said against science — but soon after, my inner skeptic took over and assumed it was satire. But a lot of people very earnestly weighed in with all the feels and all the reactions, thinking that such a group exists, and wow, just wow. Folks were taking it seriously, because anti-science rhetoric from Christians isn’t new, and is very real. (When Reuters jumps in to do the fact-checking, you know it’s more than a flash in the pan.)

I think of that idiot my Christian high school brought in to talk about science and history and the bible. In Thesis 2 we talked about the history side of things. But he also presented all sorts of crazymaking that attempted to hammer evolution and science into the pages of the bible. Dinosaurs on the ark. Dinosaurs being trapped in mud and turning to stone in less than 6000 years. Adam’s rib as literal Eve origin. Adam and Eve’s incestuous kids populating the earth…and then Noah’s kids doing the same, after that “worldwide” flood. Scientific proof that rock music psychologically mimics the human heartbeat during sexual intercourse.

It’s still happening. Homework: Google “creationism” and have fun delving into all the insane lengths to which Christians twist and cram the physical laws of the universe into the pages of the Bible.

But honestly? I can deal with crazy. What might be even worse is how Church is trying to appease all sides of the issue, i.e. placating both science-listeners and creationist nutjobs.

Polls have been taken, asking if people “believe” in evolution. That’s like asking a child if they believe in the birth process: there’s no point of reference (heard from a two-year-old: the alleged “birth” via my mother’s vagina was likely a false-flag operation!), and using the word belief to describe fact is ridiculous.

I don’t think there are many educated Church leaders (and when I say educated, I’m not talking about Bible schools and isolationist seminaries) who actually believe in creationism: the evidence and consensus that the earth is really fucking old is not merely overwhelming, but utter and complete. The internet has trumpeted the nonsense, to be sure, but we’re talking such a small percentage of literature supporting creationism it’s barely measurable.

Billy Graham might have had appeasing things to say like, “The Bible is not a book of science. The Bible is a book of Redemption.” Major publications like Faith Today also reach out with “The Bible tells us why things are. It reveals God and God’s plan for us and the whole universe” or “Science helps us to more clearly see the world as a macrosacrament of God.”

Isn’t that nice? Balanced? Harmonious? Poetic, even?

Sure is, and part of me gets it: neither the bible nor my faith is trying to teach me chemistry.

However, you can bet that the message isn’t nearly so balanced when the same leaders are standing in churches. And call me crazy, but we’re not seeing them heading to MIT or dinosaur digs and giving credit to science for seeing what our world has given us to learn.

By even acknowledging the silliness, Church makes itself instantly irrelevant in today’s world of knowledge and science. And irrelevance is, in my view, a sin far more egregious than any of the biggies that Church has concocted as salvation issues, like premarital sex (to the rhythms of rock music, naturally) or same-sex marriage (gasp!).

And you can bet that there were more than a few people who saw that Christians Against Satellites fake meme and nodded their heads because their faith leaders are still pointing upwards and talking about God as a bearded grandpa who lives just past the clouds who hears every prayer sent heavenwards.

Which is crazy. Because obviously Satan uses the satellites to intercept them.

Keywords: The Bible Ain't a Science Book; Faith; Deconstruction; Religion; Christian; Christianity; Church; Sin; Corruption; Scandal; Bible