Thesis 21: Don’t Tell Me to Smile

Thesis 21: Don’t Tell Me to Smile

After Elon delivered two sig-heil’s at the inauguration the other day, I posted a lament to my feeds. Lament, for those who don’t know (and holy fuck are there a lot of Christians who have no idea what this elemental form of worship is) is the ritual and creative expression of grief and mourning. Ashes and sackcloth. Gnashing of teeth and weeping. Groaning in agony and grief.

In other words, expressing sadness, one of humanity’s most essential emotions.

And something God calls us to. Often. In that Bible book that’s so hot these days. (Which is becoming increasingly unknown to those who most claim to know it.)

And what was the response to my lament, to Elon’s clear declaration of white supremacy, a clear and present symbol and foreshadowing of where the USA is heading? Let’s just say that there was a lot discomfort, even from my people and followers, and the encouragement to seek hope, look for humility, seek understanding, and to cheer up because God is in control*.

I can picture their faces as they posted their replies. Painting on like makeup that falsely-beatific sneer believers deploy when they talk to other believers, especially at their places of worship.

You’ve seen it. The greeter who elevates her voice and grins at the entrance, despite having lived through a hellish week with an opiate-addicted child. The guy who just lost his father to cancer arriving with his family with nothing but smiles and a steady supply of God-is-Good-All-the-Time’s**. The pastor whose flock has no idea he is heavily medicated for clinical depression and anxiety, voice booming, saying the word Wonderful a million times.

Christians are profoundly afraid of sadness.

And yet the bible calls us to lament, to include it in our cycles of worship. The biggest voices in scripture repeatedly cry out in agony, doubt, shame, fear, grief, confusion. In Church, though, you’d never know. When was the last time you sang a lament, or a grieving faith-sibling went to their knees in prayer, or your heard weeping that wasn’t of the “I’ve been [insert your favourite faith-victory trope]!” variety?

Right now, I’m grieving for the direction of the USA, and fearful of the malignancy of their white Christian nationalism, that it will engulf western democracies like fascist and Nazi movements did in the 1930s. I have cried out to God to stop this madness. On my knees. I’m terrified for what my children might see and be forced to do.

But I recognize that I’m partly responsible, too, and I’m mourning my part in not doing enough. I have no illusions that my lament will do more than salve my aching soul, but I still do it because sadness is human, and repentance can only be achieved when we acknowledge all of the emotions that have driven our sin or missteps.

And tomorrow when I grit my teeth and walk into the church my family attends? I’m going to try and be honest about the shittiness of this week, of the threat to the security of our societies and the immediate danger to the vulnerable, marginalized, and needy among us. I’m hoping to look at least one person in the eye and lament about the state of things, and about how God is simply going to let it happen, like he has so many times before***.

* God being in control is perhaps the most oft-used excuse for inaction, of course. God might be in control in an eternal sense, but if my faith-learning has brought me anywhere, it’s to a very keen and strong understanding that we run the show here on earth. And we’re doing a piss-poor job of it.

** Tell that to victims of genocide and childhood sexual violence, and you deserve to have your tongue cut out.

*** But, sure, ask God for that new car or to clear up that pimple on your forehead. He’ll gladly alter all of human history for your immediate needs, while allowing cis-gendered, privileged, straight, white Christians deny the basic humanity of anyone who isn’t those things.

Keywords: Thesis 21: Don't Tell me to Smile; Faith; Deconstruction; Religion; Christian; Christianity; Church; Sin; Corruption; Scandal; Bible; Abuse; God; Jesus; Stewardship